90 for 30.

I’m 34 and spend so much of my time feeling tired and stressed. Anyone else feel that way? I know so much more than I did in my 20’s – oh to go back and handle certain situations differently but ultimately I live looking forward and respect the aging process as a well oiled machine.

Holding Stella last night, sitting in her dark nursery listening to her descend into sleep, I had the epiphany that this is truly what it’s all about. (for me anyway) Fast forward 30 years and (hopefully) Ralph and I will watch a couple pass by with their stroller and new baby and I will reflect to last night and the deepest sense of purpose I ever felt and wish I could go back to ‘now.’ Those moments are everywhere and differ from person to person but they’re magical and worth reliving.

Life is best spent being happy with who you are and not getting wrapped up in who you think you should be. I’ve been spending too much time caught up in the doesn’t matter. Calories burned on mundane details I am too embarrassed to admit. You ever get the feeling like you don’t want to hang out with yourself because of the ridiculous nature of where your brains at? Yep, me too – which is why I’m writing and sharing this to keep myself accountable.

On May 1st, 2013 I am committing myself to 30 days in a row of BIKRAM YOGA. Each morning before work at 5:30 am I’m going to drag myself to the 114° studio down the street to spend 90 minutes relinquishing the mental and physical baggage I’ve acquired since having Stella. It will be my time to reflect, balance and get centered. A cleanse of self on my way to living a less cluttered life and hopefully baby #2. I’ve run half marathons, given birth and battled the newborn blues but this adventure is going to rattle me. I feel prepared going in knowing by day 11 I will be struggling to keep it up. I’ve enlisted Ralph to support me but hope when you roll over and stare at your clock reading 5:00am, you think of me and send a thumbs up my way.

I look forward to the endorphins, being a part of the stillness of early, early morning, eliminating the static and getting my old body back. Reset button is in my hand, I’m pushing it tomorrow – wish me luck. (gulp)