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Dear Stella,

5 May

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Dear Stella Viv,

Let’s start this off with saying how proud of you I am. I know that might seem weird, seeing as though you’re not even 2 yet but I am. I love that your kind-hearted, funny and already super inquisitive and that simply you’re ours; a perfect mashup of your Dad and me. As a family, we’re about to embark on a new adventure and I wanted you to know a couple of things before life gets hectic and you potentially feel left out (hopefully just at first) in the beginning.

First of all, YOU are the reason we are having your sister. In truth, it was always on the table, but after realizing with each milestone how amazing it is to watch you blossom and grow, we were all in. You’ve shown us both how to be better people, how to be patient when we feel like screaming, how to adjust our view finder to life through the fresh eyes of a toddler and how to reach a place in our souls we never knew existed until you laughed for the first time, said I love you, sang or wrapped your arms around our necks and squeezed tight. There are a million moments I wish I could freeze frame and hang on a wall to harken back to when you’re older and likely just not that into us anymore (ok likely just Mom, Dad will reign supreme forever I think). I like to say there is no wine/booze buzz, vacation sunset, race finish, money flow or decadent meal that can even scratch the surface of being relatable to life with you. Honesty back on the table, it’s not simple and definitely not always fun, but even whilst gritting my teeth, through tears (ok, lots and lots of tears) and wanting to offer you up for free at the end of our driveway some days (not really but…) I can’t think of one other thing more important to my legacy than raising you to be a kind soul, willing to help others, chasing YOUR dreams wherever they take you and being happy.

I love being your Mom. I can’t imagine what it will be like to add another soul to my heart, as frankly the real estate square footage is covered between you and Daddy but we’re going for it. You will always be my first, my foray into Mommyhood, my whole heart and then some. Don’t ever forget how much you’re loved. It’s free-flowing, growing and never-ending from Mom and Dad and adding your sister will only strengthen our bond and hopefully our 4’s volleyball team years down the road. You are everything and please remember as you get older that being you is the single best asset you have.

I am going to rely on you to help me these next couple of months as we’re both at home with our new addition (too bad you’re not old enough to drink wine but I will make sure your portion is covered). You can’t know what help even means, but I have an inkling you’re going to surprise us and potentially even yourself with how easy the transition of becoming a big sister will be. Frankly, I was a mess when I brought you home. A MESS. More than anything, I am looking forward to re-living the moments I missed getting caught up in the ‘I have zero clue what I am doing’ maelstrom of a first time mom who never babysat or even changed a diaper before. These redux moments include you, every step of the way. As hard as it’s going to be, we’re in this together. All 4 of us. It’s about to get real so buckle up baby girl and let’s get this crazy, terrible, amazing, really?, ####!, beautiful, hysterical party started.

Love, Mom xo

Ps. If nothing else sticks, know we love you. Every inch of you. Forever.

90 for 30.

30 Apr

62628251039419997_j2pKNfzy_cI’m 34 and spend so much of my time feeling tired and stressed. Anyone else feel that way? I know so much more than I did in my 20’s – oh to go back and handle certain situations differently but ultimately I live looking forward and respect the aging process as a well oiled machine.

Holding Stella last night, sitting in her dark nursery listening to her descend into sleep, I had the epiphany that this is truly what it’s all about. (for me anyway) Fast forward 30 years and (hopefully) Ralph and I will watch a couple pass by with their stroller and new baby and I will reflect to last night and the deepest sense of purpose I ever felt and wish I could go back to ‘now.’ Those moments are everywhere and differ from person to person but they’re magical and worth reliving.

Life is best spent being happy with who you are and not getting wrapped up in who you think you should be. I’ve been spending too much time caught up in the doesn’t matter. Calories burned on mundane details I am too embarrassed to admit. You ever get the feeling like you don’t want to hang out with yourself because of the ridiculous nature of where your brains at? Yep, me too – which is why I’m writing and sharing this to keep myself accountable.

181714ad5b3de5ffd61cc0c479a41088On May 1st, 2013 I am committing myself to 30 days in a row of BIKRAM YOGA. Each morning before work at 5:30 am I’m going to drag myself to the 114° studio down the street to spend 90 minutes relinquishing the mental and physical baggage I’ve acquired since having Stella. It will be my time to reflect, balance and get centered. A cleanse of self on my way to living a less cluttered life and hopefully baby #2. I’ve run half marathons, given birth and battled the newborn blues but this adventure is going to rattle me. I feel prepared going in knowing by day 11 I will be struggling to keep it up. I’ve enlisted Ralph to support me but hope when you roll over and stare at your clock reading 5:00am, you think of me and send a thumbs up my way.

I look forward to the endorphins, being a part of the stillness of early, early morning, eliminating the static and getting my old body back. Reset button is in my hand, I’m pushing it tomorrow – wish me luck. (gulp)

 

 

Mom Finds

11 Mar
stellaloves
TOP.   CUBE.   BRICKYARD BUFFALO.   PANTS.   SLEEPER.   BUNNY.

I am keeping this one short and sweet. Here are some great new finds Stella digs and so do Ralph and I. You know in case you were looking for more stuff to collect. (ha ha)

ETOILE t from Zara.com It’s adorable and super inexpensive – who knew ZARA baby would be so amazing? Plus they ship for FREE!

B ZANY ZOO cube from Target – She LOVES this. It has been such a great piece to hold her attention for more than 4 seconds. Lots to play with and it will continue to remain relevant the older she gets.

BRICKYARD BUFFALO – a fantastic new website curated with discounted wares for baby, mom, dad and your home. Super indie, super dope.

BOW pants from Zara.com Super inexpensive, super cute!

SLEEPER PJ’S from Leveret – why don’t all pj’s have zippers said every parent in the history of the world. Soft and the fabric stays after multiple washes.

BONNE NUIT bunny by Jelly Cat – This is Stella’s ultimate favorite toy. She got so excited she launched it out of her stroller never to be seen again and so we’re on bunny 2.0. It’s super soft, washable and the perfect size for her to carry around.

Happy Monday xx

 

 

Dear Laura.

22 Feb

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*** I wrote this 4 months ago and never posted. Hmm…must’ve been busy. Anyway I think it’s still pretty true – so here you go.

I so appreciate all the lovely feedback I received from my last blog post. I’ve even read and referenced it myself a couple of times since I posted it. Anyway lately I’ve been feeling a bit lost, personally that is, with what my new status means. As I mentioned in GRAY, the feeling of Who am I? What have I become? still lingers a bit at 3.5 months in. I’ve gone back to work and feel torn between the adult interaction I so desperately need and the idea of being there for every moment of Stella’s formative years. I don’t want her to prefer anyone else to me but need a break. I feel inspired at work but cry each morning when I leave. Life has become one big dichotomy.

In addition to that, Ralph and I were super social. We live in a Peter Pan-esque community that truly lives by the credo you’re only as old as you think you are; which is fantastic when you have no responsibilities but a bit difficult when you move to Baby-ville. Is it me or does everyone appear to be on their way to a party we didn’t get invited to?? The social transition from pre-baby to baby is shocking. Let’s talk truths here. You don’t know until you know and when you do, a small part of you wants to hide under the bed until your child becomes a little less thankless. Is it blow hardy to discuss this? Is it pointless to want to understand the transition? As the days post partum turn to weeks and the weeks turn to months, the other side; (AKA your former life) seems a distant memory as the “new normal” settles in and starts to feel comfortable. How do you socialize with a baby? How do you go out to dinner? Have people over? Travel? Exercise? or do anything that bears a small semblance to life before. Truth is you manage and figure it out as you go. What’s the worst that can happen? Really ask yourself that and mean it. The answer is nothing. If she cries, she’s being a baby and people understand.

Now that I loosely have a small footing on this motherhood adventure, I keep thinking to myself, what would you say to you, if you could go back for a day before Stella came?

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loveinmotion

Luella Says… remember how lucky you are.

Dear Laura,

When you look in the mirror you’re not going to love what you see. You just had a baby and major surgery, the scar will be there forever but the excess weight and bloat will not. Breastfeeding burns 800 calories but don’t give yourself a license to eat whatever you want. Stay focused on your green & clean living tenets and exercise as much as you can. You gave up your gym membership for the time being and running with her in the stroller, walking up hills, sit ups, even bouncing her will give you a little bit back.

You’re going to feel bored sometimes, feel as if you’re clock watching to get to the time Ralph comes home or help arrives; it’s ok and totally normal. To be fair, you’ll also relish in the moments with her that are small but intensely perfect. Like when she finally falls asleep on your shoulder after many attempts to get her to stop crying or at night, (yes 2,3,4,5 am) when she’s finished nursing; the house is dark and quiet and all the people who matter most are off in dreamland and you get to take a moment to be grateful. It really does get better and easier every day and you’ll surprise yourself with how natural it comes to you and the want to be good at it more than anything else.

People will show how important they are to you. Meaning – wait to put anyone on a VIP list until they’ve helped/been there/proven they want to be. You’re going to be alone a bit more often but it’s ok and temporary. Your marriage will shift a bit as the focus becomes solely on your new creation but you’ll adapt and steal moments together more often as time goes on. You will become a Stella pro fairly soon and eventually regain a small part of who you used to be. Best part is, that coupled with MOM is a pretty fierce combination. Cue the Star Spangled Banner as it plays at your medal ceremony for winning the gold in multi-tasking.

In closing, be excited. It’s the hardest, most amazing, hysterical, crazy, lovely, scary and profound experience you will ever have. You have been gifted with this little being, so head up, stay the course and know you’re going to choose wrong sometimes. Carpe Diem – seize EVERY day.

Love, me.

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