Tag Archives: Friendship

Epilogue.

1 Aug

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It’s a Tuesday and I’m in a dress and my running shoes. More specifically, I’m un-showered after a 4-mile run, but undressed and redressed to address my need for quick breastfeeding access. (You got all that, there will be a test later.) I’m sitting at my computer trying to eek out an hour of creative flow time while Stella is at her ‘one day a week’ daycare and Wren cries and wiggles out of her swaddle for the 100th time. ‘Why aren’t you napping? You grow when you nap, if you want to start talking and running (because that’s definitely next) shut your eyes and buy your ticket to dreamland. Mama needs 5 minutes. (Actually more in the day to week range but who needs the truth).’ I hate this post even before I write it because it means one of my favorite ladies is no longer strolling the earth, championing Jazzercise and keeping Bartles & Jaymes in business. Shirl you were you, every day, simply put and we were all better people to know you. You also gave birth to one of my favorite people so there’s that too. I love you and hope you know, wherever you are, (I guess you’re everywhere now) that you made a lasting impression.  The sky has officially gained a star. #ShirleyStrong

I can’t say I’ve been privy to a lot of tragedy. I’ve had a steady flow of anti-luck, are you kidding me, yep that just happened, deep disappointments, important people vacating without reason and 2nd places, but in the end it doesn’t come close to the pain of losing someone you love and need desperately to stick around. Sometimes it’s hard to relate to those who are going through it. There is a natural division of those who understand and those who are waiting to. As a Mom, now somehow caught up in FB groups and mom circles that detail every horror known to man, the world seems and is I guess, so much more fragile. The transparency trap of wanting to know, wanting to be prepared has become less attractive than the ‘ignorance is bliss’ ilk that was the standard for so many generations before us who didn’t or couldn’t connect with every single person in the world. (I mean where was secondary drowning and hand foot & mouth disease when we were growing up???) They say after you have kids, you know what’s it’s like to have your heart walk around outside your body, and that is precisely how it feels. I think (and secretly hope) it goes both ways though. As a parent, I hope my girls will forever rely on me as a barometer for direction and advice. Remember me when they’ve done something they shouldn’t, but need help navigating out of. My Mom did that for me and both of Shirl’s girls still need her in their 30’s so that is a parenting victory to be celebrated. (Tangent/sidebar – I hope I gather a couple of those. These terrible twos are seriously terrible. If I have to tell myself to pull it together, she’s 2 one more time…)

As a bona fide fixer, it’s difficult to grasp the finality of death. What do you mean that’s it?! It’s annoyingly selfish. It makes the world feel like a shallow pool we’re all just breast stroking through for 2 minutes. She had so much left to do. She was the life of the party and always a perfect person to drink a glass of something with. Truthfully I’m filled with emotions I can’t articulate. I think of her, I think of my best friend, I think of how much of Shirl is tied into my own childhood, and then I get pissed that life has moved on, and the reality of time has taken hold. How did we already get to the last chapter, we were just in the middle of the storyline a year ago?!

The only thing I can think of to make it a little more palatable, is to live happy. Amidst bs, traffic, bad news, fights, lost friendships, toddlers, financial struggles,  __________ etc. etc. We must all live happy. Some days will be easier than others, but it’s up to all of us to dig in, find it, celebrate it and then rinse and repeat. Shirl did and so maybe the silver lining is the constant reminder that it’s the only way, no excuses. As the ever-wise Rumi said, “Look past your own thoughts, so you may drink the pure nectar of this moment.” Sure that was the 13th century, but it’s transcendent so get on board.

Luella Says, I pledge to live #100HappyDays,

 

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Who wants to join me? www.100happydays.com

 

 

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Uncertainty is the New Black.

13 Oct

Life is challenging. It’s not always simple, explained, fair or honest. The human spirit is an amazing thing though. It rejuvenates, restores and reboots when we least expect it. Our experiences past and present set our course. Although sometimes it is difficult to deviate from the emotions that come along for the ride; believe that everything is happening for a reason.

I recently left my dream job. It had been 8 years of ups, downs and throughs but it was time to move on. I felt shattered, scared and insecure. I wasn’t used to idle time or having nothing to fix, sell or market. It was a hard time for me personally. I thought how am I going to survive in this job market? How are we going to afford our life on one salary? Where should I go from here? Why didn’t I choose a different industry when I was fresh out of college, unjaded and entry-level? (I could keep going but I digress)

The point of this is to tell you, FIRSTHAND, there is a light at the end of the proverbial tunnel. It doesn’t matter what your struggle is. Health, weight, broken hearts, friendships undone, unemployment or career changes, child stress, aging, loss or divorce; the solution is the same. Time. Self Belief. Positive Thinking (hard but important). Forgiveness.

I don’t have my new profession secured yet but I am on the verge. There are opportunities out there. You just have to be motivated enough to find them. For me, the unknown has become exciting instead of daunting. I am refreshed, inspired and renewed both creatively and personally. I have been able to take stock of what I DO have and who I get to share my life experiences with. I realize I am a millionaire in the people I call family and friends. We all are when we take the time to recognize it.

Patty Griffin sings in When it Don’t Come Easy,

“I don’t know nothing except change will come
Year after year what we do is undone
Time keeps moving from a crawl to a run
I wonder if we’re gonna ever get home

You’re out there walking down a highway
And all of the signs got blown away
Sometimes you wonder if you’re walking in the wrong direction

But if you break down
I’ll drive out and find you
If you forget my love
I’ll try to remind you
And stay by you when it don’t come easy”

Luella says…Advice Collected, now Shared

(Please note, I am 31 years old. This is advice I have been given, seen the fruits of or used myself. I am not an expert and this advice is NOT ground breaking. It has been out there for a long time, I am merely paying it forward.)

  

1. Job Searching guidelines.

 

  • Linkedin.com –Update and perfect your profile. Connect with as many colleagues as you can. Ask for recommendations, join industry groups and try to add some of the application plug-ins available for you.
  • Twitter – Join and start following major industry leaders. If you respect someone, see who they are following and do the same. Follow @tweetmyjobs for a HUGE database of relevant job opportunities that are listed in real time. Follow @tweetmyresume and ReTweet your information every 24 hours. Follow your industry job listing boards ie: @stylecareers, Follow @Keppie_Careers, @Betterjobsearch, @susanireland, @simplyhired and @jobfox for great articles relating to jobs, interviewing, salary negotiations and resumes.
  • Tell everyone. The majority of jobs are placed through Who you Know. I am not great at asking for help. Don’t be like me, do it anyway. You will be amazed at the amount of people who would LOVE to help you. Karma comes round circle.
  • Remember and repeat to yourself that a job is a just a job, it doesn’t define you as a person. It is just an addition to who you already are.
  • Research recruiters and have more than one working for you. Have faith in them but keep working independently as well.
  • Teach yourself a skill in your time off. I am learning Photoshop and launched this blog. It is helping me market myself beyond my resume.  
  • If you are in college or entry-level, don’t shrug off internships. Lauren Berger, Founder and CEO of Intern Queen is the resource to look into. You can also Follow her on Twitter at @InternQueen

 

2. Health guidelines

  •  Always get a second opinion  and seek out the right Doctor for YOU. Bedside manner and gut feeling are HUGELY important.
  • Read An Inconvenient Tumor by Christie Bishop. A hard but remarkable perspective/blog about cancer.
  • Embrace the option of  holistic medicine. I am a HUGE follower of www.EarthClinic.com which has wonderful household remedies for every ailment big to small.
  • Get it looked at. Period.
  • Follow @RealAge , @dermdoc  and @DaveZinczenko on Twitter
  • Parents check out my friend Vanessa’s HUGELY successful parenting blog www.radicalparenting.com and follow her on Facebook at www.facebook.com/Vanessavanpetten
  • Check your insurance to see if it covers things such as Chiropractic, Massage Therapy, Counseling, Acupuncture etc. If it does, take advantage of it.
  • If you are injured and recovering follow through with your Physical Therapy. There really is a right way to heal, we don’t stay 23 forever.
  • Go to the Dentist. Floss, you would be shocked at the amount of normal diseases that could be prevented if you flossed your teeth.
  • Excercise. You have the power, prove it.

 

3.  Love/Relationship/Friendship guidelines

  • After a break-up, don’t lament and only remember the good things. Live in the dislike category for a while. It helps you get a solid footing in which to move on from.
  • Cut your hair, rearrange your bedroom and start exercising. (you should be anyway, but it will make you feel beautiful)
  • If you are single go evenwhen you don’t feel like it. Changing up your schedule can bring the unexpected person into your life. (I met my husband at a bowling alley. If you know  me, this is shocking but I went anyway.)
  • Sometimes friendships have to take a time out. If they are worthy of the lifelong stamp, they will come back to be.
  • As the book says, be aware of the He/She is JUST not into me clause. It has happened to all of us.
  • Be rightful in knowing, relationships of any kind are a compromise. You can’t do all the work. It will eventually lead to disappointment.
  • The energy and positivity you put out, is what will come back to you.
  • Ladies don’t be afraid to make the first move. (I bit my pride problem and emailed my husband the next day after meeting him. Try it, trust me).
  • Realize fighting in some ways, is communication. Make sure to listen and be heard at the same time. It is an acquired skill, practice.

 

 The take away is this. Whatever it is you are struggling with remember it is temporary. This was hard for me to hear when I needed to but it does prove itself ten fold.

Uncertainty = bliss? I think so, the only way through it is through it.

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