You’re heavy. You hang around longer than you should, and selfishly fill the space, becoming all-consuming. You make it difficult to see the light, the forest, the brighter perspective and frankly, I’m over you.
Thanks, (but no thanks) Luella
I’ve been writing this post for a while now. I blame the above mentioned culprit who stole my creative juice with its heady presence. On the other hand, maybe it’s good time has lapsed, and this post has changed its tone 10 times over. No one needs or benefits from reading a vitriolic tangent or a sad pity filled note to self. So here we are.
For the last year and change, I’ve been working at a job I really loved. I haven’t felt that way since my Casch/Groa days back in my 20’s. So it felt good, and I was professionally really happy. Although there was a long commute, which in turn created an extremely hectic life schedule for drop-offs/pickups and being a Mom – I was representing a team/brand I truly believed in. Something I could tack on as an extension of myself, and really dig deep and produce creative that landed. If I work, and am away from my girls, it has to be worth it. This was a good balance for me. FINALLY. Well… recently my desk got moved to NYC, and took a little bit of my confidence with it. (Insert a variety of applicable emoticons here)
Sooo…. I’ve been interviewing and researching what is out there, all the while battling the rejection blues. I know it wasn’t personal. It was logistics, but I still blame myself based on the mantra I will teach my girls when they’re old enough to understand. ‘Be so great at your task, you’re indispensable’. A staunch believer in merit based eventualities, how do you get over it when you couldn’t have prevented it? The older I get, the more I realize you can do everything right, and sometimes that isn’t good enough to steer clear of choppy waters. This experience hurt more than I expected it to. On the other hand, it’s a growth opportunity. The only way through, is… through.
Interviewing is interesting. It’s kind of like online dating. You go through a couple of rounds of interviews only to find out you’ve been bested by a different candidate, and the company just isn’t into you anymore. All of the sudden you’re dealing with another no that wears away at the hanging shred of confidence you were desperately holding on to. What if I keep ending up where I started at good ol’ square one? How do I feel good enough in the areas of my life that truly matter? How do I fight the urge to retract and wallow? Lots of questions, not a lot of answers.
UNLESS…. you have a *Ralph (see definition below) in your corner, whose reassurances early on, eventually turned to a simply put, short speech that got my ball rolling again. You have two choices. You can either set yourself up in a situation where you look out the window and see barbed wire and trash, or you can put yourself in a position to see the ocean. Take action. Be relentless in the pursuit of your goal. Ask for help. (Just say NO to shame spirals.) 😉
So I did. After 7 years of sitting on Luella says, I built it out. I’m entering the freelance race. I am dipping my foot in the proverbial creative pond. It’s an online creative collective filled with my graphic design work and copywriting, it’s also (potentially) the start of a creative firm obsessed with visual storytelling and the social space. It might be nothing, it could be my new gig. Welcome to the world www.luellasays.com. If you know of anyone looking for social guidance, we’re (Laura/Luella) here.
*male species, handsome, good advice giver, tough love disher