Tag Archives: advice

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13 Aug

carlsaganexistence

There’s a little town called Brookfield, nestled in the outskirts of Milwaukee and it’s where I am from. I point this out because lately bad news seems to be de rigueur and in trying to navigate past all these sore subjects, I’ve realigned myself to where it all started, to what really matters and to making sure life moving forward walks the right path.

Too often we move along at such a quick pace, we forget to breathe in a couple of steps and enjoy the ‘now’. Everyone is so elbows deep on their phone or stuck in traffic or just tired in general, that reprieves of fresh air along the way get missed. This is not new or earth shattering. I am far from the first blowhard to think it necessary to put it down in ink but each time I’m reminded, it’s usually by way of great joy or cruel reality. Why let it be that way? Lets retrain our brains to slow down and be grateful for those around us, what we have and how we got there.

As we all know, life is unpredictable. Why let ego or assumption force you to carry heavy words left unsaid? Remind others what they mean to you and do it often. After recent news from back home surfaced, I’ve been having a hard time with the adage, that everything happens for a reason. Debatable. Some things suck and are simply meaningless. Unfair, too soon, and tragic feel more applicable.

Everything is too easy now. Communication doesn’t require human interaction. Instant gratification and the ideal that ‘we are what we share’ has completely taken over. I’m starting a movement of remembering that curating the relationships with the people who mean something to you is worth the calories burned. Pick up the phone, send a card, write the email, text, show up… whatever it takes to stay close. Unfortunately time is not for sale, don’t learn the hard way.

800px-Tree_roots_cross_section

Life moves too fast. I blinked and I’m 34 and a mom myself. My precious memories of my childhood spent in Brookfield are in the awkward phase of becoming a long time gone. Forever 16 in my head, the realization has truly sunk in that the world keeps going; regardless of what or who you lose or how badly you wish to go back and do things a bit different. My roots are tied and twisted around so many of you who helped shape me into who I am today. Family, lifelong friends, acquaintances and even those who taught me by example without knowing or meaning to; I tip my cap to you. Thank you for digging in long enough to leave an impression.  Indelibly you’re a part of me. Hope I’ve been able to afford some of you the same.

As Chris Pureka writes,

Life is cruel and it’s clumsy
I wish I could say that it’s better than that
but this is our time
this is all that we have ’til we turn out the lights…

Luella says… honor your coordinates.

With that being the benchmark – here are a couple tenets I am forcibly applying to life moving forward.

  • spend time each day not judging anyone or anything. Only allowing kind, decent and positive thoughts to course through. (this includes judging yourself, we’re our own worst critic)
  • live one day at a time, hour by hour, moment by moment
  • reconnect or re-affirm those relationships who mean the most to you
  • compromise more – in the end what do you win if you’re the only one satisfied?
  • communicate what others mean to you – go there – even if it’s awkward at least everyone knows where they stand.
  • practice appreciation, patience and forgiveness

Please note, this is all hard. Letting go, moving on, staying present, living for today, not judging, being thankful are all beautiful but not always attainable. I get it. This is perfect world scenario and some days it’s just not going to happen. It’s simple to sit behind a computer and wax on about how important this all is but the practice and application is where it gets real. I am hoping by setting the standard (for myself) of getting even half way, some of the time  – I will be successful. We shall see – To be continued…

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And so it Begins.

13 May

It’s been a long time since I’ve written. I had the intention to start again a million times but alas life happened and time got away from me. Now here I sit, 9 months pregnant and on the precipice of the biggest event of my life and I finally have time. How hysterical is that? Such is life right?

Anyway, where did we stop, where do we start again? The premise will stay the same, fashion, life, art, music, food, beauty, design; essentially anything and hopefully as much as possible. For this post though, I am going personal, so proverbially strap in.

I am not re-inventing the wheel chatting about pregnancy; there are a million mommy blogs that do such an amazing job at preparing, teaching, explaining and offering much-needed advice, so I won’t step in that arena. I will speak plainly at the highs and lows of our experience and hope if you’re one of the many who are contemplating, trying, succeeding, failing or landing somewhere in between this will speak to you.

Rewind the clock to last April when Ralph and I found ourselves pregnant for the “first time.” It was an overwhelming experience that unfortunately was short-lived. I can remember the moment of going into the first ultrasound only to discover there was no fetal pole development which meant blighted ovum, which meant miscarriage. An intense feeling came over me and my only mission at that point was to focus on not crying in front of the Dr. I am not sure why, for those that know me it may come as a shock, but I kept it together. In thinking about it afterward, it was the one thing I could control and it became my mission. Going through the process of our miscarriage was extremely humbling for me. This wasn’t merit based, it wasn’t something you could buy, talk your way in or out of, dazzle or charm into working; it was science and simply put, it failed. We were officially a statistic and that for lack of a better word, sucked.

I felt shame, failure and embarrassment. It was hard to relate to others when I kept fixating on why me? why us? It’s funny because no one talks about it. When I felt comfortable enough to share it with a few people I was amazed to learn just how many had similar experiences and I found solace in knowing we weren’t alone. In truth, I think when it comes to this subject, we could all use a dose of open book syndrome. Yes its intensely personal but strength lies in numbers and having a community to work through the dark times, makes the reality a little bit easier to get comfortable with. (ok, I will speak for myself)

After feeling sorry for myself for a couple of weeks or so and after much-needed tough love from two of my best friends; I made the decision to control what I could and launched into a “my body is a wonderland” state of mind. (thanks John) I laugh sometimes when I explain my story to people because I feel like I cheated. I did everything in my power to create a pristine environment for our hopeful baby to flourish in. Here was my routine:

  1. I gave up coffee. Straight – cold turkey and started (begrudgingly) drinking Red Raspberry Leaf Tea, which was said to be used in folk remedies as an elixir used to strengthen the uterus. (who knew?)
  2. I began getting weekly acupuncture from an amazing Dr. who specializes in Women’s reproductive health.
  3. Ralph and I began juicing every morning. Spinach, Kale, Celery, Cucumbers, Ginger root and Green Apples.
  4. Ralph and I both took Fertilica Ultra Greens powder in a glass of water each morning.
  5. I took Fertile Garden herb supplements given to me by my acupuncturist.
  6. Ralph and I both committed to 3 days a week of intense Bikram yoga and at least one other day of cardio at our gym.
  7. I drank wine, enjoyed evenings out, tried to be carefree and live in the moment and not obsess. This proved to be the toughest challenge of all of them.

They say in Chinese medicine it takes three months after an “event or tragedy” to be back to normal again. We had our procedure last June 9th and three months later we were pregnant again. It felt different this time. I told Ralph when I first found out, (at 4 weeks) that this was our baby, I could feel it. The first trimester went by so slowly, each day felt like a year. I was so panicked something was wrong and I’m embarrassed to admit the lengths I went to, to assure myself things were ok. If hackers checked my google history, I might run away and not come back. It was beyond, even for me. Again the concept of control, deep-rooted inside of me, kept rearing its head and I did my best to chill out and enjoy the process. Self Grade D+.

Then I hit 12 weeks, 3 months and a light appeared. I outwitted, outlasted and outplayed myself and for the first time confidence appeared. Since then, each milestone has been marked with a mixture of trepidation, excitement, panic, wonderment and gratitude. Being pregnant is a very “present” experience; it’s a waiting game with emotions, hormones, body changes and relinquishment of self and ego. It’s scary and amazing all rolled into one. Ralph and I don’t know what to expect, we just know, we don’t know and to be ok with the expectation that anything can happen and most likely will. It is what you make it.

If you’re reading this and are having difficulty, please steal some of the ideas listed above. We’ll never know for sure but at the end of the day, I knew I was doing everything in my power to help my chances. My lucky number is 9, it has been since I was in grade school and it was my friend Josh’s soccer number. Ironically he introduced Ralph and I and even more strange, our new baby girl is due this June 9th. What a difference a year makes.

Luella says… Without wine – Design.

Stella Vivienne’s Nursery

I am not nor have I ever been a major baby person. When it came time to register, I was completely overwhelmed. (yes, tears were shed more than once) If you would like a copy of my must own lists just let me know. Another great resource is this list from Joy of Oh Joy & Oh Baby.

If you’re pregnant or just had a baby, I would love to connect with you. As I said, everything is better in numbers.

Design Credits:

Crib by Wayfair . Mattress by Serta . Paint Colors: Mustard – Solar Fusion by BEHR  Gray – Cathedral Gray by BEHR  Cream – Splendor by BEHR

Photos over crib: 3 Fashion sketches reprints by Sandra Suy . Floral by Amber Alexander . 9 – DIY . French Chic – reprint from Harper’s Bazaar Russia March 2010

Kraft paper flowers, Tissue paper flowers & Cardstock paper fans – DIY

Curio bookcase – Craigslist DIY . Changing dresser – thrifted DIY

Tissue garland by Everly Lane Design . Pear print by Fine Little Day Shop of Sweden . Vintage baby dress by Kasi Found This . Dried Craspedia flowers by Maison de la Croix

Swan & Floral prints by Leah Duncan . Vintage Great Gatsby cover – reprint . Velveteen Rabbit end papers 1922 – reprint

Vintage daybed – Craigslist DIY . STELLA vintage marquee letters by Junkie Trunk

Vintage nightstand – in the family DIY . Vintage mirror – thrifted DIY . Ginger jar lamp & shade from ccaappp

Chandelier – DIY . Rug by Wayfair . Vintage rocking chair – in the family DIY

Invictus print by Eva Juliet . Stella is an actual photo taken of a storefront on a street in Warsaw, Poland by Mio . Moon & Back – reprint.

Eiffel Tower & Chapel birdcage – thrifted DIY . Vintage dresser – in the family DIY.

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