Dear Laura.

*** I wrote this 4 months ago and never posted. Hmm…must’ve been busy. Anyway I think it’s still pretty true – so here you go.

I so appreciate all the lovely feedback I received from my last blog post. I’ve even read and referenced it myself a couple of times since I posted it. Anyway lately I’ve been feeling a bit lost, personally that is, with what my new status means. As I mentioned in GRAY, the feeling of Who am I? What have I become? still lingers a bit at 3.5 months in. I’ve gone back to work and feel torn between the adult interaction I so desperately need and the idea of being there for every moment of Stella’s formative years. I don’t want her to prefer anyone else to me but need a break. I feel inspired at work but cry each morning when I leave. Life has become one big dichotomy.

In addition to that, Ralph and I were super social. We live in a Peter Pan-esque community that truly lives by the credo you’re only as old as you think you are; which is fantastic when you have no responsibilities but a bit difficult when you move to Baby-ville. Is it me or does everyone appear to be on their way to a party we didn’t get invited to?? The social transition from pre-baby to baby is shocking. Let’s talk truths here. You don’t know until you know and when you do, a small part of you wants to hide under the bed until your child becomes a little less thankless. Is it blow hardy to discuss this? Is it pointless to want to understand the transition? As the days post partum turn to weeks and the weeks turn to months, the other side; (AKA your former life) seems a distant memory as the “new normal” settles in and starts to feel comfortable. How do you socialize with a baby? How do you go out to dinner? Have people over? Travel? Exercise? or do anything that bears a small semblance to life before. Truth is you manage and figure it out as you go. What’s the worst that can happen? Really ask yourself that and mean it. The answer is nothing. If she cries, she’s being a baby and people understand.

Now that I loosely have a small footing on this motherhood adventure, I keep thinking to myself, what would you say to you, if you could go back for a day before Stella came?

Luella Says… remember how lucky you are.

Dear Laura,

When you look in the mirror you’re not going to love what you see. You just had a baby and major surgery, the scar will be there forever but the excess weight and bloat will not. Breastfeeding burns 800 calories but don’t give yourself a license to eat whatever you want. Stay focused on your green & clean living tenets and exercise as much as you can. You gave up your gym membership for the time being and running with her in the stroller, walking up hills, sit ups, even bouncing her will give you a little bit back.

You’re going to feel bored sometimes, feel as if you’re clock watching to get to the time Ralph comes home or help arrives; it’s ok and totally normal. To be fair, you’ll also relish in the moments with her that are small but intensely perfect. Like when she finally falls asleep on your shoulder after many attempts to get her to stop crying or at night, (yes 2,3,4,5 am) when she’s finished nursing; the house is dark and quiet and all the people who matter most are off in dreamland and you get to take a moment to be grateful. It really does get better and easier every day and you’ll surprise yourself with how natural it comes to you and the want to be good at it more than anything else.

People will show how important they are to you. Meaning – wait to put anyone on a VIP list until they’ve helped/been there/proven they want to be. You’re going to be alone a bit more often but it’s ok and temporary. Your marriage will shift a bit as the focus becomes solely on your new creation but you’ll adapt and steal moments together more often as time goes on. You will become a Stella pro fairly soon and eventually regain a small part of who you used to be. Best part is, that coupled with MOM is a pretty fierce combination. Cue the Star Spangled Banner as it plays at your medal ceremony for winning the gold in multi-tasking.

In closing, be excited. It’s the hardest, most amazing, hysterical, crazy, lovely, scary and profound experience you will ever have. You have been gifted with this little being, so head up, stay the course and know you’re going to choose wrong sometimes. Carpe Diem – seize EVERY day.

Love, me.

Related articles

• Advice for New Moms – Don’t worry, I was scared of my baby, too (babble.com)
• Breastfeeding Wasn’t So Important to Me – … until I had to pump exclusively (babble.com)

Gray.

Having a baby changed my life. (bet you never heard those words uttered before.) The irony is it’s totally true. I hate clichés in prose and in life and although there are different interpretations and some experiences are easier than others; the baseline remains constant. It’s the hardest thing you will ever do…period. Every inch, every second spent since June 9th has changed me into a different human being. The world’s brighter, experiences feel richer, emotions run deeper (if that’s even possible for me) and I’ve made it out of the fray and lived to tell this tale to you.

The first couple weeks were so difficult, it’s almost hard to discuss. It sucked in short and even though I love Stella more than I could ever imagine possible, I felt so unprepared and unqualified. I kept looking for a time out button somewhere to just take a 2 minute break but alas this person I worked so hard to get was here, my number was called and I was out on the field indefinitely. Overwhelming simply doesn’t cover it. I felt blue, exhausted, awkward, ugly and not able to live in the moment. Who was I, what had I become? I kept thinking “but the books and the people I talked to used words like amazing, blissful, simple and easy when it’s yours.” My expectations were so far off it’s not even worth detailing. Each day felt like a year and the nagging feeling of failure was a constant companion. I had met my match, motherhood was here and I wasn’t sure it was for me. But then I woke up one day around 3 – 4 weeks in and felt better; albeit the leap was small and low to the ground but it was progress. Miraculously the proverbial light appeared. She cried less that day, small victories were attained and dare I say, I began to get the hang of it.

Which brings me to my long-winded point. Life can be spent living in the notion of black and white, good or bad, 1 or 100 but there is a middle; a gray area if you will, that exists and boasts good weather and yummy cocktails. As of late, I am allowing myself to visit this area more often. To be a constant work in progress, to not have all the answers, the control, the perfection is not only ok, it’s necessary. Up to this point, I always told myself, don’t let anything you do define you. Keep reaching, never settle, always give 500%, think out of the box, practice first in, last out and follow your shot. Now I’ve embarked on something I want to be known for. A great wife and a “show and tell” worthy Mom. The highs and lows are higher and darker than anticipated but the every day is pretty damn amazing. Yep I went there. The word that eluded me for so long in my new world of mommy-hood has landed and been assigned. I get to mold this little human and teach her what I can, while she still wants to listen to me. My husband and I get to watch a mash-up of ourselves navigate the world hopefully with my rhythm and his charisma.

I felt compelled to write this down because in my obsessive googling whilst still pregnant and in the first couple days post partum, if I had stumbled upon this little blog and known there really was someone out there feeling just as I did, potentially the light would’ve appeared sooner. I would’ve been able to handle how awful I was feeling knowing it was fleeting and concretely things were going to get easier. Women lie to each other, everyone puts their best foot forward and perception is hardly often reality. Consider me the attendant behind the customer service desk at Mommy World, telling you I know how you feel and can whole heartedly promise it gets easier and better each day. (keep repeating that to yourself at 2am when they still won’t sleep or stop crying for that matter) I worried about the difference between “baby blues” and post partum depression and desperately hoped this too would pass. If you can get out of bed and don’t feel like harming yourself or your child, most likely it’s the former. Be diligent about chatting with your OB about it regardless but eventually it leaves the building. It did for me and now I can share some pearls I gathered with you.

First Month Musts:

1. Wake up and shower if even for 2 minutes. Bring your baby in the bathroom if you have to but SHOWER to start your day.

2. Get a calendar and cross off each day at the end of it with a big X. For some reason it helps build confidence knowing one more day is in the books, accomplished and done.

3. Watch HAPPIEST BABY ON THE BLOCK, the 5 s’s are your friend.

4. Ask for help. Ask for help. Ask for help BUT also spend enough time doing it yourself. If you farm everything out, your only prolonging the rookie period.

5. Have no expectations for anything, your birth plan, your baby, yourself, your partner or your family and friends. People will let you down and you might let yourself down as well. Set the bar on the lowest rung.

6. Know your bump will go down eventually. I’m at 3 months and it’s still around. Each week it gets better.

7. Talk to your spouse, boyfriend, partner or friend about how you’re feeling and be brutally honest. Also chat with your baby about it. I told Stella many times, Mommy is feeling rough today but know I love you and we’ll get through this together.

8. Try to ease back into your old social routine as early as possible. Take them on walks and meet up with friends. Even if it’s for 5 minutes, you have to start somewhere.

9. Go on food adventures. Ralph and I would put Stella in the car and she would scream cry until she fell asleep and we’d go to different food institutions around Los Angeles. We always got it to go and brought it back home to eat but just the excitement of semi doing something social felt like the best, booze filled dinner party ever.

10. Go on multiple walks a day. Even if you make it around the block it’s a victory.

11. Colic is bs, it’s likely acid reflux. Check the infant GERD checklist and if your baby has a lot of the symptoms ask for a prescription of compound PREVACID. It worked wonders for us. I hate medicine and we waited 2 months to give it to her but she was in pain.

12. Stock up on BIO GAIA probiotic drops at Walgreens. They’re expensive but they work so well on their tummies for gas and overall discomfort.

13. You will not feel like this for 18 years. New problems arise just when you figure out answers to the former but nonetheless you’re better, smarter and faster than you were yesterday.

14. Know your baby is going to scream, wail, cry and turn purple. Don’t think this means you have to stay in your house. Get out, it also always seem louder to the parents.

15. Try to keep it light. Babies work off your energy, try not to get too worked up. (self grade: F for me on this point)

16. Burp them like a heartbeat. Pat pat, Pat pat, Pat pat. It works.

17. Set up stations around your house and use those every day to entertain or placate your baby. Do them in different rooms if possible. Station suggestions: Activity Mat, Swing, Mirror, Crib, Mat/blanket on the floor, Pack n Play, Bouncer, Your lap, Lounger, Changing Table cushion.

18. The uglier the better when it comes to mobiles or hanging toys. This one is hard for my design aesthetic but it’s true so embrace it.

19. If you’re breastfeeding start pumping and storing milk right away. I didn’t and playing catch up when they’re eating more is difficult. Use the rule of 2′s. 2 hours at room temp, 2 days in the fridge, 2 months in the freezer.

20. Know it’s normal for your baby to: cough, sneeze (multiple times), grunt, growl, choke while eating, snore, make weird noises in their sleep, drool, chew on their hand and feet, cry when you change or dress them, have crossed eyes.

21. Babies have a crying language and it actually is pretty true for Stella. Neh means I am hungry, Oww means I am tired, Eh Eh means I have a burp, Eairr means gas.

22.Sing, talk and read to them as if they completely understand from the first day you bring them home. Get real close to their face while you’re doing it so they can see your expressions.

23. If you’re exclusively breastfeeding, introduce a bottle by 4 weeks. One a day filled with pumped milk is a great way to get them acquainted, allow your husband or someone else to bond through feeding and if you don’t they won’t take one when or if you go back to work.

24. Cry when they cry, sleep when they sleep, laugh when they laugh.

25. Buy the BREST FRIEND and wear it to feed at night. It serves as a shelf and lord knows that helps when you can barely keep your eyes open.

I would love to connect with any of you soon-to-be or new moms. I told myself I would never be a stroller strider or go to parties and only talk about my kids but I get it now. I am one of you, we are all in this together.

This is not a black and white world

To be alive I say that the colours must swirl

And I believe that maybe today

We will all get to appreciate The Beauty of Gray 

LIVE – The Beauty of Gray

And so it Begins.

It’s been a long time since I’ve written. I had the intention to start again a million times but alas life happened and time got away from me. Now here I sit, 9 months pregnant and on the precipice of the biggest event of my life and I finally have time. How hysterical is that? Such is life right?

Anyway, where did we stop, where do we start again? The premise will stay the same, fashion, life, art, music, food, beauty, design; essentially anything and hopefully as much as possible. For this post though, I am going personal, so proverbially strap in.

I am not re-inventing the wheel chatting about pregnancy; there are a million mommy blogs that do such an amazing job at preparing, teaching, explaining and offering much-needed advice, so I won’t step in that arena. I will speak plainly at the highs and lows of our experience and hope if you’re one of the many who are contemplating, trying, succeeding, failing or landing somewhere in between this will speak to you.

Rewind the clock to last April when Ralph and I found ourselves pregnant for the “first time.” It was an overwhelming experience that unfortunately was short-lived. I can remember the moment of going into the first ultrasound only to discover there was no fetal pole development which meant blighted ovum, which meant miscarriage. An intense feeling came over me and my only mission at that point was to focus on not crying in front of the Dr. I am not sure why, for those that know me it may come as a shock, but I kept it together. In thinking about it afterward, it was the one thing I could control and it became my mission. Going through the process of our miscarriage was extremely humbling for me. This wasn’t merit based, it wasn’t something you could buy, talk your way in or out of, dazzle or charm into working; it was science and simply put, it failed. We were officially a statistic and that for lack of a better word, sucked.

I felt shame, failure and embarrassment. It was hard to relate to others when I kept fixating on why me? why us? It’s funny because no one talks about it. When I felt comfortable enough to share it with a few people I was amazed to learn just how many had similar experiences and I found solace in knowing we weren’t alone. In truth, I think when it comes to this subject, we could all use a dose of open book syndrome. Yes its intensely personal but strength lies in numbers and having a community to work through the dark times, makes the reality a little bit easier to get comfortable with. (ok, I will speak for myself)

After feeling sorry for myself for a couple of weeks or so and after much-needed tough love from two of my best friends; I made the decision to control what I could and launched into a “my body is a wonderland” state of mind. (thanks John) I laugh sometimes when I explain my story to people because I feel like I cheated. I did everything in my power to create a pristine environment for our hopeful baby to flourish in. Here was my routine:

1. I gave up coffee. Straight – cold turkey and started (begrudgingly) drinking Red Raspberry Leaf Tea, which was said to be used in folk remedies as an elixir used to strengthen the uterus. (who knew?)
2. I began getting weekly acupuncture from an amazing Dr. who specializes in Women’s reproductive health.
3. Ralph and I began juicing every morning. Spinach, Kale, Celery, Cucumbers, Ginger root and Green Apples.
4. Ralph and I both took Fertilica Ultra Greens powder in a glass of water each morning.
5. I took Fertile Garden herb supplements given to me by my acupuncturist.
6. Ralph and I both committed to 3 days a week of intense Bikram yoga and at least one other day of cardio at our gym.
7. I drank wine, enjoyed evenings out, tried to be carefree and live in the moment and not obsess. This proved to be the toughest challenge of all of them.

They say in Chinese medicine it takes three months after an “event or tragedy” to be back to normal again. We had our procedure last June 9th and three months later we were pregnant again. It felt different this time. I told Ralph when I first found out, (at 4 weeks) that this was our baby, I could feel it. The first trimester went by so slowly, each day felt like a year. I was so panicked something was wrong and I’m embarrassed to admit the lengths I went to, to assure myself things were ok. If hackers checked my google history, I might run away and not come back. It was beyond, even for me. Again the concept of control, deep-rooted inside of me, kept rearing its head and I did my best to chill out and enjoy the process. Self Grade D+.

Then I hit 12 weeks, 3 months and a light appeared. I outwitted, outlasted and outplayed myself and for the first time confidence appeared. Since then, each milestone has been marked with a mixture of trepidation, excitement, panic, wonderment and gratitude. Being pregnant is a very “present” experience; it’s a waiting game with emotions, hormones, body changes and relinquishment of self and ego. It’s scary and amazing all rolled into one. Ralph and I don’t know what to expect, we just know, we don’t know and to be ok with the expectation that anything can happen and most likely will. It is what you make it.

If you’re reading this and are having difficulty, please steal some of the ideas listed above. We’ll never know for sure but at the end of the day, I knew I was doing everything in my power to help my chances. My lucky number is 9, it has been since I was in grade school and it was my friend Josh’s soccer number. Ironically he introduced Ralph and I and even more strange, our new baby girl is due this June 9th. What a difference a year makes.

Luella says… Without wine – Design.

Stella Vivienne’s Nursery

I am not nor have I ever been a major baby person. When it came time to register, I was completely overwhelmed. (yes, tears were shed more than once) If you would like a copy of my must own lists just let me know. Another great resource is this list from Joy of Oh Joy & Oh Baby.

If you’re pregnant or just had a baby, I would love to connect with you. As I said, everything is better in numbers.

Design Credits:

Crib by Wayfair . Mattress by Serta . Paint Colors: Mustard – Solar Fusion by BEHR  Gray – Cathedral Gray by BEHR  Cream – Splendor by BEHR

Photos over crib: 3 Fashion sketches reprints by Sandra Suy . Floral by Amber Alexander . 9 – DIY . French Chic – reprint from Harper’s Bazaar Russia March 2010

Kraft paper flowers, Tissue paper flowers & Cardstock paper fans – DIY

Curio bookcase – Craigslist DIY . Changing dresser – thrifted DIY

Tissue garland by Everly Lane Design . Pear print by Fine Little Day Shop of Sweden . Vintage baby dress by Kasi Found This . Dried Craspedia flowers by Maison de la Croix

Swan & Floral prints by Leah Duncan . Vintage Great Gatsby cover – reprint . Velveteen Rabbit end papers 1922 – reprint

Vintage daybed – Craigslist DIY . STELLA vintage marquee letters by Junkie Trunk

Vintage nightstand – in the family DIY . Vintage mirror – thrifted DIY . Ginger jar lamp & shade from ccaappp

Chandelier – DIY . Rug by Wayfair . Vintage rocking chair – in the family DIY

Invictus print by Eva Juliet . Stella is an actual photo taken of a storefront on a street in Warsaw, Poland by Mio . Moon & Back – reprint.

Eiffel Tower & Chapel birdcage – thrifted DIY . Vintage dresser – in the family DIY.

Where There is Darkness, There is Light.

Have you ever wanted to stop time and literally spend an entire day in just one moment? Soaking it in, reveling and trying to imprint the details in your life memory bank forever? I have and its been happening a lot lately.

I equate it to getting older, being more aware of mortality, aging, being in love, experiencing loss and learning hard truths and realizing how quickly things can change.I have never been good with change but always seem to be in a constant state of it. Life just simply goes by too fast. There is no formula, surgery, potion or elixir that can change that.

As Chris Pureka says, Time is the Anchor, Change is a Constant.I had an entirely different post planned about fashion and my beloved Green Bay Packers but that will need to wait a day. I awoke this morning to the news that a close friend’s mother and a singer songwriter we love and follow are both facing one of life’s hardest realities; cancer.

I was struck with their honesty and perspective so much so that I felt compelled to share it with you. Here they are, two different people, two different versions their paths anonymously connected by unfortunate news and the courage to carry on.

As we all know, Cancer doesn’t care. It sees no color, gender, age, race or sexual orientation. It is undiscriminating, taxing and incredibly selfish. It is a real life monster under the bed HOWEVER, in the grandest sense possible, there is always hope. Hope breeds positivity and lightness and I think reaches far deeper than any treatment or remedy.The power of positive thinking, love and tenacity goes a long way. As my friend Heather eloquently said 4 years ago when she received her diagnosis, “I am going to kick cancer’s ass, it has messed with the wrong girl.” As we speak, she is pregnant and healthy.I consider this news a reminder of what is important. A re-balancing of my life’s priorities and focus. A necessary nudge to reach out, educate myself and be a lending ear and shoulder for those in my life who might need some extra support.

Read the brave words and perspectives of the affected who have now become warriors in their fight back to healthy.

Luella says…C Stands for Change and Courage.

Our close friend Sandra said,

“My family is about to embark on a challenging journey. It will be up to each person to transform the situation into an opportunity for faith, hope, and happiness. My mom’s cancer is back. It’s in her liver and lungs. Wanted to share this early before it became too overwhelming to share.”

Doris Muramatsu of GIRLY MAN writes,

“One image that keeps circling my mind is of Arthur’s Seat in Edinburgh, Scotland. It’s an 823 ft hill in the middle of the city, climbable from almost any direction. The views up top are breathtaking, you feel otherworldly and closer to God. It was climbing this hill back in October 2010 when I knew something in me had shifted. I was no longer a healthy person. Perhaps it was the moment when my chromosomes decided to mutate; I’d like to think they’d pick a transcendent experience such as this hike to do so rather than during one of my more earthly chores such as brushing my teeth.  Of course, I don’t even think I was conscious of this shift. All I knew was that my legs felt like cement blocks and my breath huffed double time with every step I took. I had to stop every 2 minutes or so to regain my breath and couldn’t understand why or how so many people could just amble up the hill with such ease. But the sun, making a rare appearance, shone down on JJ and me, and the highland grass shimmered. Something was beckoning me to keep moving forward because to stop would admit defeat. Sure, my legs and ankles swelled daily for seemingly no reason, and sure I was dangerously short of breath. But I couldn’t admit defeat yet.

I finally made it to the top and rejoiced. I felt proud of myself and thoughts of being sick were set aside for one more day. I wouldn’t have been able to do this if I were really sick. In retrospect, I can hardly believe that I returned from the UK and immediately played shows in Atlanta and Birmingham, then the next weekend in North Carolina and South Carolina. Then I somehow managed to do a grueling 2 and half week tour in the Northeast, playing a show almost every night and teaching a harmony workshop. And every day I was zonked out in the van, barely able to lift my head, barely able to eat. I’d garner my strength for the show and give my all during those 90 minutes, (though I coughed through a good portion of it) but I felt scarily disconnected from my body. My midriff looked foreign to me, like I was in one of those books where you can flip the top, middle, and bottom portions and create the policeman wearing a pink tutu with ostrich feet. I was the Asian girl with E.T.’s belly wearing tights and cool Fluevogs. I stopped looking at myself in the mirror.

It made me think about what I would want to hear if I were about to make my transition: (for my own sanity, I like to think of death as a gateway into more life, just in a different form) the good memories, fun times, the love and laughter. Because doesn’t it all boil down to the love we share, what we give to each other and what we take in, and being able to see each other through the eyes of Source? (or God if you want to call it that?) That’s the one big thing that I realized the day I was going to receive my diagnosis in that hospital in Jersey. I was freaking out, shaking violently underneath that swath of hospital gown. And underlying that fear was the profound certainty that I wasn’t done with my life–I still wanted more. I realized that music was my absolute calling and how lucky I was to have found Ty, Nate, and JJ. How lucky we were to be able to create together. As I focused on each of them, and then on my parents and my other dearest friends, tears of joy streamed down my face. In that moment, I basically experienced the opposite of fear: love. It instantly lifted me to the grandest, most comforting space I have ever been simply because I was allowing myself to bask in its eternal truth. I was one with the Universe. (I hope I don’t sound crazy!) My mood completely transformed, and I think I even glowed because I was vibrating on such a high level.

Five people in white coats came in just then to give me my diagnosis. (It was the oncologist, the resident, and 3 medical students–I was quite the teaching example.) I shone in a state of grace and acceptance. I was ready.”

Just click here to follow her story on her blog.

Nothing else to say really. Be aware of life’s highs and lows, either way keep learning from your experiences.

Be a work in progress.

Related Articles

• Cancer breakthrough — or nightmare? (cnn.com)
• Love yourself (osocio.org)
• United in Hope (everydayhealth.com)

Keeping Up With the Tradition(ians).

Family traditions are an important part of our culture. They tie together generations and allow us to pay homage to those, amongst other things, we can’t sit with at the dinner table.

From a very young age, my mother taught my sister and I to hold on to traditions, create some of our own and value atmosphere. (not necessarily in that order).

For example, every night, no matter how busy we were with school, sports or dance, we lit candles, put on some music and ate dinner together as a family even if it was for five minutes.

These are the things I will carry on with me as I start a family of my own.

Specifically for the Holidays, she took decorating our house very seriously and instilled in me the need to continue that in my own home.

As you know, I grew up in the Midwest where space and square footage reign supreme, so although my heart wants to buy the same 12 foot tree we get during Thanksgiving at my parents home every year, reality says 3.5 feet it is.

This is quite a change from my childhood but now my home is where my husband is. So my decorating remedy for our “tiny dwelling” is to fill it with Christmas accents and adorn our tree with family keepsakes.

Ever since I was small, my Mother has given my sister and I an ornament in our stocking. They varied each year in size, shape and significance but the point was she was helping us a create a timeline of all of our Christmas’ spent together as a family.

Growing up I didn’t take it very seriously, as I was much more interested in the mountain of gifts under the tree, but I realize now just how special they are.

Each year when I decorate our tree, a part of me gets to revisit those moments and remember that family, friends, love and time are the most important aspects of life.

These ornaments tell the story of where I came from. When my husband and I have children, I will carry this tradition on for them. After all, it is the small things that remain the most meaningful.

Luella says…Confessions of a Christmas Tree.

I would love to know what some of your family Holiday traditions are?

What do you treasure the most during this Christmas season?

Just a reminder that Christmas and New Years go by so fast . In this economy, when not everyone can give what they are used to, take a couple of moments to recognize what you are truly thankful for.

It is more important to be present rather than to give presents.

 

Related Articles

• Family Christmas Traditions (kleenexmums.com.au)
• Our Christmases are a smorgasbord of immigrant traditions (theglobeandmail.com)
• Cutting a live tree can be a cherished family holiday tradition. Here’s how. (seattletimes.nwsource.com)

Back to Life. Back to Reality.

I am on a plane making my way back to Los Angeles after a much-needed escape back home to the Midwest for Thanksgiving. I leave feeling full; literally and figuratively. Full from the massive amounts of food & drink I consumed but also filled with a hearty dose of family and friends.

Our roots are what shape us and help us become who and what we are. Mine start in Wisconsin and  a part of me will always remain where I began.For me, the holidays provide an excuse to eat what I want, have an extra (or three) glasses of wine, laugh, relax and ultimately let my guard down. I realize this is not the case for everyone as families come in all sorts and sizes. My remedy is to focus on the best moments and live in those memories.

As I sit here in turbulence, over the great Western Plains, I realize my transition back into reality today is also a bit choppy.

Maybe it is just the Monday blues or a post-holiday melancholy….either way, I need a little help to restart my reality after the holiday break. 

Luella says…Pass the Cream and Inspiration.

These images provided a respite for me on this hard day back to the grind. I am going to make a considerate effort to find more of these in my every day life.

How do you remedy a moody Monday? I am open for any and all suggestions.

Related Articles

• What Top Ten List Would You Make? (learning.blogs.nytimes.com)
• Alone for Thanksgiving, Alone for Christmas (psychcentral.com)
• Healthy Hollywood: Fab Food Friday – 10 Tips To Avoid Holiday Weight Gain! (omg.yahoo.com)

Be Present.

 

I love Thanksgiving. I might even argue it is my favorite holiday. I love Christmas too but there is something less complicated about Thanksgiving time. With no need for presents, it becomes a holiday based around time being spent together.

It truly combines all my favorite things to do. Celebrate with family and friends, eat a delicious home cooked meal, drink fantastic wine, visit with old friends I haven’t seen since last year at this time, play games, stay up late, not worry about work, the list goes on and on.Lately time seems to be flying by. I find myself grasping and holding onto moments in an attempt to control and slow it down. It has proven to be fruitless and I realize the older you get the faster it goes.

My only recompense is to enjoy each and every day. Be present and thankful even when that seems impossible.

Thanksgiving is a perfect reminder of this. Let’s all take advantage of it.

Below are some beautiful Thanksgiving home accents and table decorations. I hope they will inspire you to enjoy decorating before the guests arrive and then relish the time you spend with whomever is coming over to celebrate.

I am thankful for many things this year and am going to make a list and refocus on what I do have instead of concentrating on what is missing. I suggest you do the same.

Luella says…Make a “Thankful” List and Check it Twice.

 I hope your Thanksgiving holiday is exactly as you wish it to be. It might not be as perfect as the accents above are but that is half the charm.

As Dave Matthews sings, “Eat, Drink and be Merry.” (feel free to insert a lot after any of those) 

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Variations on Beautiful.

What is beautiful? Is it happiness, contentment, vanity, companionship, friendship, love or the sum of all the parts? Everyone defines it differently. Throughout our lives our concept of what is beautiful will change. I look forward to that.

Today is my parent’s wedding anniversary. In 26 years there have been highs and lows but today I would say, they love each other more than ever.

In their honor, I moved up a post I was working on for a later date. What is beautiful?

Real Simple did an article a year or so back on authors describing what makes them feel beautiful. I was so moved by the above submission from acclaimed author Anne Roiphe,  that I tore it out and put it on our vision board next to Marilyn et al.

It is simply profound. Please read for yourself.

“It was mid-December of 2005. I don’t know why he said it. I don’t know if a shadow had fallen across him, something appalling he saw out of the corner of his eye. I don’t know if it was just coincidence or intuition that prompted him, but about a week before my seemingly healthy 82-year-old husband suddenly died, he emerged from the kitchen ready to go to his office, his face clean-shaven, his eyes shining, smiling shyly, holding the copy of the Anthony Trollope book he was rereading, and said to me, “You have made me very happy. You know that you have made me a happy man.” There I stood in my work outfit, blue jeans and a T-shirt. There I stood with my white hair and my wrinkles and the face I was born with, although now much creased by time, and I felt beautiful.
 
“What?” I said. I wanted him to repeat the words. “You heard me,” he said and put on his coat and drew his earmuffs out of his pocket. “Say it again,” I said. He said it again. “You’ve made me happy.” We had been married 39 years. We had held hands waiting in hospital corridors while a desperately ill child struggled to breathe and thankfully recovered. We had made financial mistakes together. We had spent hours out in fishing boats. We had raised the children and then second-guessed our choices. We had stood shoulder to shoulder at graduations and weddings and we were well-worn, but still I had made him happy, and I was proud and flushed with the warmth of his words.
 
I know I looked beautiful that morning. Perhaps not to the young man holding his toddler in his arms who rode the elevator with me; perhaps not to the friend I met for lunch, a true believer in Botox; perhaps not to passersby on the street; but I knew it for a certainty. I was beautiful.
 
I don’t believe that inner beauty is sufficient in this cruel world. That’s the pap one tells a child. I don’t believe that positive thinking improves your skin tone or that loving or being loved changes the shape of your nose or restores the thickness and color of hair, but I do know that there is a way of being beautiful, even as age takes its toll, that has something to do with the spirit filling with joy, something to do with the union with another human being, with the sense of having done well at something enormously important, like making happy a man who has made you happy often enough.
 
Ten days after that morning conversation, my husband and I returned from a concert and dinner with friends and walked down our windy block toward our apartment house when suddenly he stumbled and fell and died within minutes. As I waited for the ambulance, I remembered his words, a beauty potion I would take with me into the rest of my life.”

Those words are hard to follow but I figured why not reflect on and share what makes me feel beautiful, in the hopes it will inspire you to do the same.

Below is my list, the next time I am feeling melancholy I will revisit it and take notes.  

 

Luella says…Mirror, Mirror on the Wall.

MY HUSBAND & HIS LAUGH/SMILE

THE PERFECT DRESS & PAIR OF SHOES

  NESTLED IN READING A GREAT BOOK

TRAVELING EUROPE

ACCOMPLISHING MY GOALS/TO DO LIST

  FEELING SUNKISSED ON VACATION

 LISTENING /ABSORBING WHEN OTHERS REMIND ME

(All Images above via MEMORY BOOK  &  Krystal Muellenberg)

 

EARLY MORNINGS SPENT OUTSIDE

  DANCING – (always)

 BEING WHERE I HAVE BEEN BEFORE – WHERE PEOPLE KNOW MY NAME

 BEING INSPIRED BY HIGH FASHION & FASHION PHOTOGRAPHY

 VIEWING VINTAGE ARCHITECTURE / HOME DECOR

 EXERCISING TO GOOD MUSIC (loud)

 PARTICIPATING IN AN INTELLECTUAL CONVERSATION / DEBATE

A CLEAN & ORGANIZED HOUSE

(All images above via AN ABUNDANCE OF)

 

TIME SPENT WITH MY FAMILY

 LONG EYELASHES

MY CHILDHOOD HOME/BACKYARD

(All images above via Krystal Muellenberg)

 

COOKING A GREAT MEAL

(Image above via The City Sage) 

LIVE MUSIC

(Image above via Doublecrossed)

DECADENT WINE & DINNER PARTIES WITH MY GREAT FRIENDS

(Images above via Remodelista  &  Country Living)

 

I realized in making this list, beautiful to me means contentment and happiness. I look and feel best when I am at peace with my actions, state and surroundings.

Find your own variation of beautiful and hold onto it always.

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Hearty and Homemade.

 

When I was in grade school, every year around this time we would take a field trip to a local apple orchard. We would see how the fermentation process worked, taste all the various flavors of cider and be allowed to tour the grounds and see the rows and rows of apple trees. It was so beautiful and peaceful. We would finish the day in the pumpkin patch picking out small gourds and pumpkins to take home to our parents. It was such a simple time.

Every year when Autumn weather starts to set in, I think of those childhood field trips to the orchard. It dawned on me, what a perfect inspiration to build a menu of good eats from! How decadent would eating outside in the splendor of an orchard or vineyard be, with your closest friends, homemade food, candles lighting the table, full-bodied wines and stars illuminating the sky? I intend to find out.

 

 

My next “life list” endeavor is to plan a wonderful outdoor dinner party at either an orchard or a vineyard. I can’t imagine an evening better spent.

In preparation, I decided to post some wonderful family favorite recipes that are hearty, healthy and good for the soul. If you are searching for what to cook tonight, look no further.

 

Luella says… Cook and be Merry

WHITE BEAN CHICKEN CHILI

Submitted by Luella

INGREDIENTS:

 (please note I sometimes double this recipe to make enough to have leftovers. It is great re-heated)

2 Tablespoons olive oil

1.5 lbs. Cooked Chicken (please see preparation below)

2 Cloves Garlic – minced

14.5 oz. Chicken Broth

1 can (18.75 oz.) Tomatillos (drained and chopped)

1 (16 oz) can Diced Tomatoes

1 (7 oz.) can Diced Green Chiles

1/2 Teapsoon dried Oregano

1/2 Teaspoon ground Coriander seed

1/4 Teaspoon Ground Cumin

1 (15 oz) can White Northern Beans

salt and black pepper to taste

1 lime sliced

Fresh Cilantro for garnish

**Cooked Chicken – 1/2 cup  white wine, 1 Tablespoon of Dill Weed, 1 Chicken Bouillon cube, 1 cup of Water, Fresh squeezed Lemon (half), Minced Garlic, Lemon Pepper to taste**

PREPARATION:

Cook chicken in the wok/large pan first. Combine all the ingredients listed **above  in your wok. Cut the chicken into cubes. Put it on Level 8 for a Wok or Medium-High heat if it is in a pan. Cook/simmer half covered for 10-15 minutes stirring often. Save one cup of the juice to add into the mixture later.

1. Heat Oil and minced garlic until soft.

2. Stir in Chicken broth, tomatillos, tomatoes, chilies and spices. Bring to a boil and then simmer for 10 minutes.

3. Add chicken and beans and 1 cup of cooked chicken juice to the mixture. Simmer for 5 minutes. Season with salt and pepper to taste.

4. Serve with fresh lime and cilantro on the side.

  

MUSTARD ROASTED TILAPIA

Submitted by my sister, Leslie

 INGREDIENTS:

4 (8 oz) Tilapia filets

 

Kosher Salt and ground Black pepper

 

8 oz Creme Fraiche

 

1 tablespoon Dijon Mustard

 

1 tablespoon Whole Grain  Mustard

 

2 tablespoons Minced Shallots

 

2 teaspoons Drained Capers

 

PREPARATION:

 

1. preheat oven to 425

 

2. sprinkle filets generously with salt and pepper

 

3. place in oven proof glass pan

 

4. combine rest of ingredients and mix well

 

5. pour over fish to completely cover

 

6. Cook 15 to 25 min depending on thickness of the fish filets.

 

  

  

 

Southern Style Spare Ribs with Garlic Mashed Potatoes

Submitted by my Mother-in-Law, Maria

INGREDIENTS:

1 Package of Southern Style Ribs (please note this is an actual type. They are heartier and have more meat on the bones.)

1/2 Cup of Chris and Pitts BBQ Sauce

 1 Reynolds Brown N Bag

 For Dry Rub:

1 Cup Dark Brown Sugar

1 Teaspoon Cumin

1 Teaspoon Lawry’s Garlic Salt

1 Teaspoon Black Pepper

PREPARATION:

Cut off fat on bottom of ribs

Pat them dry

Combine ingredients of the Dry Rub and drag and douse the ribs in this so they are covered

Place the ribs into a Reynolds Brown N Bag and poke holes in the top of the bag

Cook at 350 Degrees for 1 1/2 hours.

Cut open bag and use 1/2 Cup of Chris and Pitts BBQ Sauce to cover the ribs completely

Put back in the oven for an additional 10 minutes to solidify the rub and bbq sauce taste

Serve with Garlic Mashed potatoes:

Place 8-10 Yukon Gold Potatoes and 3 Medium Cloves of Garlic  in a pot of boiling water

Boil till tender (10 minutes or so)

Drain the water and add 1/2 Cup Low Fat Milk and 2 Tablespoons of Smart Balance

Whip them and Enjoy!

 

Cheddar Chicken Chowder

Submitted by my Mother, Debra

INGREDIENTS:

1 pound skinless, boneless Chicken Breasts cut into cubes

2 Bacon slices

1 cup diced Red Bell pepper

2 Garlic cloves – minced

4 1/2 cups Chicken Broth

1 3/4 Cup Diced & Peeled Red Potatoes

2 1/4 Cups Fresh Cut Broccoli

1/2 Cup all Purpose Flour

2 cups 2% Milk

3 oz. Shredded Cheddar Cheese

Salt and Pepper to Taste

PREPARATION:

1. Cook bacon in a skillet over medium high heat until crispy. Crumble and put it on the side

2. Add Chicken, Garlic & Bell Pepper to the bacon grease pan and saute for 5 minutes

3. Add Potatoes & Broth to the pan and bring it to a boil

4. Cover and reduce heat and simmer until potatoes get soft (about 20 minutes)

5. Add brocolli and stir well

6. Place Flour in a bowl and gradually add Milk whisking till it is smooth, add it to the soup and simmer, stirring frequently over Medium heat for 15 minutes. (until it thickens)

7. Stir in Cheese, Salt and Pepper and top it off with the Crumbled Bacon 

 

 

GRILLED EGGPLANT PARMIGIANA

INGREDIENTS:

1/4 cup Olive oil

2 Garlic cloves, finely chopped

1/4 teaspoon dried hot Red-Pepper flakes

1 (15-ounce) can crushed Tomatoes

1/2 teaspoon Salt

1/4 cup coarsely chopped Fresh Basil

1/2 ounce finely grated Parmigiano-Reggiano (1/4 cup)

4 small Italian Eggplants (1/2 pound each)

16 thin slices whole-milk Mozzarella (from a 1-lb block; not fresh)

PREPARATION:

1. Heat 2 tablespoons oil in a 12-inch heavy skillet over moderate heat until hot but not smoking, then cook garlic and red-pepper flakes, stirring, 30 seconds. Add tomatoes and salt and cook, stirring, until thickened, about 6 minutes. Remove from heat and stir in basil and parmesan.

2. Prepare a gas grill for direct-heat cooking over moderate heat or Cooks’ note: Eggplant (brushed with 1/4 cup oil) can be roasted on a foil-lined large baking sheet in middle of a 450°F oven, turning over once, 20 minutes. Top with sauce and cheese, then stack and bake 5 minutes more.

3. Trim 1/4 inch off 2 opposite long sides of each eggplant. Cut each eggplant lengthwise (in same direction as trimmed sides so each slice has skin just around edge) into 4 slices. Brush slices with remaining 2 tablespoons oil.

4. Grill eggplant, covered, turning over once, until tender, about 6 minutes total. Transfer to a work surface.

5. Spread top of each slice with about 1 tablespoon tomato sauce and top with a slice of mozzarella, then restack each eggplant. Transfer stacks to a shallow baking pan and grill, covered, just until cheese is melted, about 4 minutes.

 

BEEF LOAF IN WILD MUSHROOM SAUCE

Submitted by my Mother, Debra

INGREDIENTS:

1 1/2 lbs. Ground Beef

1 Cup Fresh Grated Bread Crumbs

3 Eggs – Beaten

1/4 Cup Shredded Cheddar Cheese

1 Tablespoon Dried Parsley

1/2 lb. Ground Pork

Salt & Pepper to taste

1/2 Teaspoon Marjoram

1/2 Teaspoon Paprika

1/3 Cup Sour Cream

PREPARATION:

Preheat Oven to 350 degrees. Combine all ingredients and mix well. Pack into a loaf pan and cook it for 1 hour – or until brown on top. Remove from Oven and slightly cool. Serve with Mushroom Sauce.

INGREDIENTS – MUSHROOM SAUCE:

5 Tablespoons Butter (divided)

8 oz. Fresh Wild Mushrooms – Sliced

4 Tablespoons Flour

1/2 Teaspoon Salt & Pepper to taste

2 Cups of Beef Broth

1 Tablespoon Kitchen Bouquet

PREPARATION:

1. Heat 1 Tablespoon of Butter in a small saute pan.

2. Add Mushrooms and simmer over Medium Heat until soft.

3. Remove Mushrooms and set aside

4. Add remaining 4 Tablespoons of Butter to the pan and let it melt

5. Add Flour, Salt & Pepper to the pan and Stir until mixture is smooth

6. Blend in Beef stock and stir until sauce is thick

7. Add Kitchen Bouquet and Reserved Mushrooms and bring to a boil

8. Remove from Heat and serve over Beef Loaf.

 

There is nothing more important than family. As we enter the Holiday season, try to cherish your moments together. Great food, wine, conversation and laughter can fix almost anything.

I end this post asking you this, what inspires you? What recipes remind you of your childhood? Please share with me and the readers who visit. Let’s collaborate.



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I Do, in June.

  

J’aime vintage. I got married in June, to a man named Ralph, in my favorite place in the world, my parent’s backyard in Brookfield, Wisconsin. I am now a wife and I have a husband. Crazy but true. I can’t say I spent my childhood dreaming of my wedding day, it was more that I was dreaming of who I would be married to.

Even still, when it was my turn to be a bride, I wanted to plan it like an intimate dinner party. I love vintage as aforementioned and thus was born my theme. Mismatched china, a sideboard to hold our cake, handmade table numbers made of vintage French apothecary and soap labels, ball jars, green depression glass and cream hobnail vases, Lisianthus, Gardenias, Peonies, Green Hydrangeas and Ranunculus flowers, tuxes and candles; essentially “splendor in the grass.”  To accomplish this, let’s just say a lot of DIY, Etsy and imagination.

I knew some things were beyond my control and I left those to come as they may. At the end, it was an evening filled with lovely memories I will keep with me always. It was perfect. Wonderful friends, family, decadent food, drinks, dancing and laughter.  We are blessed. I know I relied on others inspirations to create my own so enjoy! 

(photos by Krystal Muellenberg and Studio Noveau) 

   

   

   

  

“Let’s turn to the West, Let’s turn up the music, Let’s hope it’s always as good as this” – Chris Pureka

(Venue: Shully’s Garden Tent, Cake: Sweetness by Alice, Flowers: Esther)

 

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